Living Life at 40
I hesitated to write this blog, but then I realized it has been a while since I last wrote.
I used to journal a lot when I was in college. I had plenty of journals that, even up until now, continue to shape and guide me whenever I feel lost or wandering. Over time, I found a profound truth about myself: I am easily swayed and influenced. Because of this, I constantly remind myself that I need to be surrounded by the right influences. Yes, I can easily be pulled to extremes.
It’s not that I don’t know what I want in life. Rather, I am easily amused and drawn to unexplored ideas and adventures. My emotion-driven self is not always to be trusted.
I just turned 40 last week. Rest assured, this will not be a full account of my 40 years of existence. Instead, this is a long reflection but one I hope to revisit someday, and one I want to include among the many online journals I wish to share.
GRATITUDE.
We attended my brother’s graduation this month, where my sister (who is just a year younger than me) was the guest speaker. She spoke about experiences we both shared growing up.
Listening to her perspective on how we endured the hardships of our younger years made me realize how far I’ve come from the person who once struggled to fit in. Back then, I was financially unable to support my siblings, who were all studying, because I, too, was studying while working at the same time.
Looking back, I am grateful for those hardships. They trained us to persevere and to trust that the Lord is always faithful and always provides.
VALUE AND WORTH.
I grew up studying in a public school, and I carried a constant insecurity about my educational background.
One painful core memory was during a panel interview with newly graduated candidates. When the interviewer learned where I had graduated from, their interest seemed faded. At that time, I wished that I had one of those resumes that speaks for itself, to avoid the heavy introductions.
I was accepted into the same company, but in a position I desired less. Still, I tried to compensate by proving my worth. I offered spotless work ethic, often neglecting self-preservation and rest. I stayed ahead of deadlines, constantly pitched ideas, and overthought everything. Work became my identity.
At 37, I had a cancer scare. It forced me to pause and reflect. I realized that everything I had built could be taken away by a single piece of bad news about my health. I felt like I had reached my limit, and so I tried to step back.
During my 40th birthday celebration, the message remained consistent. My family and friends encouraged me to rest and prioritize my health and family over work.
I am grateful to have people in my life who lovingly point out what I need to hear. They remind me that while work is important, it should not define my identity or determine my worth.
RIGHT PARTNER, RESET.
Never underestimate the value of having a husband that allows you to RESET.
I always tell my husband that I cannot grasp how much he is always willing to bill me a clean slate.
For every mistake, every argument, every wrong decision (or prevented attempts), he is always just ready to accept me right back. I joke my friends that "Next to Jesus, there is my husband" as he the kindest man I know.
His answer is just short: That is is because "he loves me, and love is unconditional."
My husband always reminds me that the Lord has forgiven us despite several times we fall to sin, and that the beauty of God's unconditional love is that we can always get the reset we need.
I am humbled and deeply blessed to reach 40, living this beautiful life with my beautiful family is a gift.
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