Brain Bug Thursday.

 At last! my first official post in this site..


Well, today is Thursday and of course it's my privilege to speak my mind.


-I am happy. Just happy. I dont know why.. but I am satisfied. I do not want to complicate my life with people and their freakin dramas lately. haha..


-I am excited about my Spanish Class.. yes at last classes will start on June 2. Ive waited for the enrollment like MONTHHHSSS!! and so my waiting at last is over.


-I feel so peaceful these few days. Probably because i don't have too many accounts to check and be involved with. hehe


-I am a little disturbed about something. And I wonder, why the thought of it could make me smile, for no reason at all. It is so Ironic that I know it's something disturbing yet it calms me. It paralyzes me yet it somehow freed me from something ive been tied up to lately.


Or maybe I am just over-analyzing.


- I am a bit worried that my hair is growing fast. i just had it cut and now it grew to the same
length.


- I am a little upset that i am gaining weight. Well, kinda happy that my legs and arms doesn't look like pole anymore.. (haha.. exaggerating) but still i hope I'd stop gaining weight before it's too late.

Anyways,

I have nothing much to post actually. I am getting a little lazy lately..

Til next post. :D

Nyenye

Brain Bug Thursday.

(May 09, 2009)

It's Thursday....

yesterday...

and today is Friday.. (getting mixed up already)

Well, I don't know.. my mind is empty really... void actually cause I'm waiting for something to hit me..

*Have you ever done something intentionally that you know the consequences would hunt you down afterward? And so you wait and expect for something bad to happen anytime soon.

Maybe a flat tire.. or maybe a series of unfortunate (for lack of better terms) events.. or maybe something you've been praying for the longest time to turn out not as you've expected.

Disappointment.. i found this very common to any human. I even get to be disappointed by my own self especially those decisions i made when caught "off-guard."

"The frailty of our own sinful humanness is a heavy burden."

- Mark Conner

As I sit and wonder on how God has been so naive of this disappointing human nature, on how sinful man can get.. on how incapable we are at times to overcome temptation, I was able to see and ponder and all the more appreciate His being. His love for us and His Grace.

Since I was a kid, I would always wait and expect God to punish me whenever I did something wrong. And since then, God is giving me the opposite. He all the more shows me love. He all the more makes me feel welcome, that no matter how disappointed I am with myself, He is enough to make me feel justified. He uses His kindness to lure me back.

"For those who feel their lives are a grave disappointment to God, it requires enormous trust and reckless, raging confidence to accept that the love of Christ knows no shadow of alteration or change."

- Mark Conner

Yes , Grace is the antidote of disappointment which is freely given to us... But I believe Grace must always be accompanied with TRUTH.

"Grace comes in response to a repentant heart. Truth means that there will still be consequences for his actions and reconciliation to be worked towards.."

- Mark Conner

As grace is given freely to us, it should not be abused. God, is Forgiving yet on the other side is Holy that He will not allow sin to thrive in our lives. He gives us grace whenever we fall but He also disciplines. God cleanses His house. He cleanses His people. But this will happen only if we will allow God to identify and point on those character, attitude and habit he wanted to eliminate in us.

"I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologize my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far"

-Arithmetic

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

(May 05, 2009)

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life.

Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands. Trusting God actually takes effort. Trusting God actually takes work. It takes reading the Bible. It takes meditating on Scripture. It takes praying about things. It takes taking our own souls to task and stopping one kind of thinking and turning to another kind of thinking. It takes work. It takes effort."

...All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again....

...I don't want to fall short of
All you've made me to be
And I..
I don't have to cause I know you
Made a way for me to be
All you ask of me...

Brain Bug Thursday

(April 29, 2009)

Thursday- as usual is Brain Bug Thursday. A privilege to speak my mind out loud.


-My mum sent me some drugs. hahaha. (she's so mindful of us)


-No Uncle Moe's today. We'll have Ravioli and crepe at home.


-I miss Ate Mel and Kuya Tito badly. [I will soon crash into your place pag di pa tayo nagschedule ulit ng labas. :)]


-I dunno how to cheer up Nova anymore..She seems a little depress lately. :(


-I'm starting my plurk account from scratch. So my karma is on strike.


-I wasn't able to sleep last night cause i did a lot of reasoning on things that were pure rants and moot points.


After praying and crying out to God (Oh yeah, i'm such a cry baby). God reminded me of the word "WISDOM". They say that--


"WISDOM will be proved right by her actions."


I believe that people will measure you by how you define things. Therefore, you live according to your definition (standards). Thus, your actions will determine your conviction. HOWEVER in every decision, remember that..no matter how many times you jabber on what you believe in,,, "PEOPLE WILL ONLY SEE YOUR ACTIONS AND NOT YOUR CONVICTIONS".


I could hardly breathe last night as I held myself together while I struggled to surrender my future plans. Though I know I will soak into disappointment anytime soon as I give up everything and wait for the proper timing; the faith and wisdom these decisions were founded into... (no matter how painful the process could be) in time, will prove itself right.

2 Corinthians 8:21

21"For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men."

History Behind Arithmetic.

-->

"If I add, if I subtract, If I give it all try to take some back, I forgotten then freedom that comes from the fact, that YOU are the sum.. and YOU are the one.. I want"

ARITHMETIC was taken from the song Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser. I met her long before she made her album and she continually inspires me with her music until today.

I could describe myself the same as this SLOI test described me.

Extroversion	||||||||||||||||	70%
Emotional Stability	||||||||||	40%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||||||||	90%
Accommodation	||||||||||||||||||	73%
Inquisitiveness	||||||||||||||||	63%

Your sloan type is SLOAI Your primary type is Organized

Organized

more controlled than random, more logical than abstract, uncomfortable when things are imperfect, more grounded than in the clouds, overachiever, likes the security of working for a company, motivated, wants everything to add up perfectly, saves money instead of spending it, feels best when working, does not go to concerts frequently, feels success provides a good model/example for others, not a fan of political instability and revolution, /wants to be good, balanced, and have integrity; fears being corrupt, evil, or defective/, does not like to look weird, financially prudent, mature, prefers non fiction to fiction, not a big partier, values tradition, values hard work, anti-tattoos, purposeful, thinks of most things in terms of costs and benefits

SLOAI

open, organized, asks lots of questions, outgoing, prone to panic, easily hurt, narcissistic, detail oriented, concerned about others, the first to act, believes children need firm discipline, finish most things they start, comfortable around others, upset by the misfortunes of strangers, socially skilled, compliments others frequently, interested in people, busy, interested in the problems of others, tens, physically affectionate, overly nice, likes to lead, generous, in touch with feelings, not afraid to draw attention to self, manipulative, prone to jealousy, worrying, easily excited, motivated by a desire for acclaim, prone to addiction, frequently driven to impress others, passionate about causes, swayed by emotions, curious, anxious, passionate about bettering the world’s condition, stressed, keeps spaces clean, believes in human goodness, well informed, thoughtful, assertive, fears doing the wrong thing, rushed..

Now This is How I See Myself

I am a detailed type of person. Result oriented and Excellence is important to me. No Mediocre. Unless i have not finished a thing, I would not jump to another.

I love to cry..cry is the flush of my emotions.I cry everytime i laugh, i am happy, i am excited or when i am angry, and hurt. Most of my close friends know it. The Unspoken Nye is sensitive and very fragile. Small things grieve me sometimes.

I always find interest in different people. I knew they have characters that i could learn from, also that we are made uniquely from each other, i try to learn for others that's why I love to spend time with people! I am a friendly type of person. I'm talkative of in good mood, but i know how to be silent at times. If I'm silent, I may be thinking of a thing or just talking to God.

Yeah, I love talking to God.For i know He is the one who could accept the Real Nye. I wanted to please Him always. That’s why as much as possible, be a good testimony to others..

I love music. Anything about it. Instruments, lyrics etc.

MY MOOD: I am romantic in my outlook with a bit of a taste for the exotic. I love feeling the sea breeze in my hair, sun on my skin... I always take the first dip. When it comes to art I appreciate precision and hard work. Nothing is more impressive than real craftsmanship.

FUN FOR ME: I love to be far away from my everyday life. There’s nothing like catching some rays and slowing down- I know how to get things nice and easy. For kicks, there’s nothing like a little affection to give me a buzz. When it comes to holidays, I like a very special treat, a chance to recharge my batteries in luxurious surroundings as well as spending time with my friends and family

MY HABITS: If I feel good outside, I would definitely feel good inside too. At times, I need to take an extra kick in order for me get myself going. I don’t like to take things seriously. Friendship is about enjoying myself and seeing the funny side of life. When I think of freedom, I think of hanging out with good friends. And I am always happy to make the first leap.

Poem

Sept 21, 07

An Elvish friend of mine made a poem; He asked me to translate it to Elvish Language. I used "Quenya"- Language of the High Elvens.. Happy Reading for those who understand Tolkien Language.

**UNTITLED**

I’ll take away your tears;


Amin nauva sana kela lle niire

If my heart you can find

Manka cormamin lee tira

Tell me a secret;

Kwentra amin olin

And I’ll tell you of mine

Ar’ amin nauva kwentra lee en amin

Let me in;

Lenne amin e’

And I’ll let you have a peek at my soul

Ar’ amin nauva lle lenne hama maa ie amin fea

Open up your eyes

Assa’ie de lle elee

So I may see you as you’re whole

Ikotane amin Aa’ en lle vee lle naa quanta

Understand what I am

Rangwa mani amin naa

So you may see what I’m worth

Ikotane lye Aa’ hama alye

And take shelter by the hearth

Ar’ sana halya ed’ I’ kemen

Which will be created

Mani’er nauva onn

By the binding of our souls

Ed’ I’ alye’ie en lye fea

And out of the two imperfect pieces

Ar’ n’e en atta uuma quanta nooti

Will be created one perfect whole

Nauva onn er quantaie

Amin Melar, En Vesta

May 29, 2008

AMIN MELAR
- "En' Vesta"

No sina lema ten' mela, amin merna a' nauva sal'... Tenna' lle ar' amin govannen, ar' alye' nauva tyava Heruamin mela lanna lye'.

Amin Hiraetha tanya amin wethrine san', ten' amin uuma rangwa sut' nae ta a'. Amin uma, amin nauva a' avara tel' goth neuma ten' minya dethola ar' amin ona e'.

Sii' tanya Heruamin ona amin latin rangwa no lle,,lye voronwië ten'amin. Lle merna a' poika lle corm ar' nauva sal' ar' dil' a' Heruamin. Amin vesta tanya amin nauva merna vithel poika ar' ar-ten' lle.

Hantale,,,,lle nowe amin tanya amin raika a' nowe amin il' ten'.

Amin nauva sal' no a' Heruamin vesta a' amin tanya tenna, lye nauva omantuva, ar' amin nauva lasta a' lle lina en' mela, vee' amin ona lle yassen mela ar' vesta en' tenoio'e' amin elee. Ar' amin nauva lle tarien. Nora yassen lle mela ten' amin.

Lye nauva maa ten' Heruamin ar' mool ho merna. Alye' yassen lye hini lye nauva alkara tel Heruamin e' lye nosse.

Amin nauva quel verne' a' lle ar' a' lye hini. Amin nauva lwen no lle n'uma (matter) mana.

Amin sinome, lle Aa'il maa ie' amin sii' ar' amin mela ten lle. Amin nauva (wait) ten' lle, amin vesta.

Lle Melon
- Leen Tarien.

Le no an-uir nîn?

The Power of Witheld Power

July 23, 2008

There will be times when God will allow trial, complaint, and maybe False accusation to come into your life. At that moment, God will take His lamp and put it to your spirit.

You may be stronger and have more power and influence than the accuser. You may be able to crush him/her. But God knows that who you are under pressure is who you are. God wants to see if you've got the right spirit in the face of adversity. God wants to know if you are able to "bless those who curse you and pray for those who spitefully use you" (Luke 6:28)

It is in times of pressure, times of crisis, that your real spirit will come out.

You may not be perfect. YOU MAY MESS UP. You may do things wrong. But God always goes beneath the surface to illuminate our spirits, saying in effect, " I want to see how much light you're putting off by your spirit." No matter what happens to your life; no matter who hurts you, no matter who cuts you off, undermines you, you need to have God's spirit, not bitter, unforgiving, and angry spirit. You must have the Spirit of Jesus. Jesus, have all the chance to get back to His enemies in all His might but He chose to put off the light of His power, and in the end became a BLINDING LIGHT.

POWER WITHOLDING ITSELF IS FAR GREATER THAN POWER EXERTING ITSELF.

Letting Go of an Isaac

When it comes to love. We hardly find ourselves either winning or loosing. But either way, we must understand love and it's real definition.

Someone told me that ¨Being in love, in a relationship, it´s just a different reality; not necessarily a better reality (compared to being alone), but just a different one.¨

I didn't agree. I still don't.

Another one told me, ¨You should only be with someone, if being in love with that person makes you happier than when you are alone.¨ Words I agreed more.

If I followed the words of the former, I would be easily satisfied. Because the expectations from a loving relationship would be not much different from a life alone.

Unfortunately, my vision of love is closer to the latter. Hence, I'm more demanding in love. I didn't need someone to make me happy, being alone with God is satisfying enough for me. But if falling in love could make me happier; it is something I cannot control; His happiness will become more important than mine..then love continues.
Love that would drive me to satisfy the other. Naturally; passionately; unrelenting; without holding back; that could make his happiness more important than mine. His priorities higher than mine.

But somehow or rather, love eventually fails. Blameless, we move on with our own lives. In this sense, love becomes like just another part of reality that is no different from the reality of being alone.

But I wonder; How could an emotion so powerful, so compelling, be at the same time so fragile?

Letting Go when love fails ..

As no one is more responsible than the other when love arises, no one is more to be blamed when it dies; it is what it is.

Instead of remaining bitter and assign blame to the other when love dies, it is better to hold on to the good things that happened between each other in the name of love, and continue to let oneself evolve; continue to let good things happen in the name of love.

What's more, it's the hurt and disappointments in life that teaches us the most.

Letting go of a very compelling love, truest to its form but untimely..

It's excruciating. It's agonizing. I compared it to having the Isaac of our lives laid and offered to God. A burnt offering with an aroma that says, "God, I love you more than me. I love you more than this." It is having our faith work as we wait.

The bible teaches us not to awaken love until it so desires. The fear of loosing it shall not be magnified. True love doesnt have to fear, for perfect love drives away fear.

The sweetest part of it, is about us learning to TRUST. Us learning to hope. Us learning to have God's way in us. Us finding love to it's truest form. A love that captures is a love that is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.